One day, I am gonna grow wings—a chemical reaction, hysterical and useless...

Today would have been my 10th wedding anniversary if only...

Wait. 

I don't mean that "if only" because "if only" carries with it a connotation of wistful longing (my 10th-grade students are currently learning about linguistic manipulation and connotative words as strategies for good rhetorical argumentation, and they are CRUSHING it). What I am feeling right now is not "if only", and while I do have a fingers-cradling-chin-type of post coming that is just loaded with "I don't need no man," and "I'm a beautiful, powerful, independent WOHHHH-man" types of affirmations, this post is not that. Instead, today I am enjoying having my birdcage of a chest rattled by a piece of music. 

I wish beyond wishes that I had the musical acumen to understand fully WHY certain songs have certain impacts on me. A year or two ago, I was friends with someone who could (and often did) explain to me the subtle nuances of musicality and their various effects on the brain, lungs, and spine (okay, okay, those last two are more idiosyncratic responses that I have to music...corporeal ones). It was fascinating to think that there is actual science to an art. Super cool. 

The song I am thinking of right now is actually quoted in the title of this blog. Side note: my blog titles are always song lyrics, and as of yet, only one person ever figured that out (I miss you, Natesy!); however, I digress. Today's title is from a Radiohead song: Let Down. Now, fear not, though the title is sad (and the music probably is, too), when I hear it, it causes "the thumb" (as usual, if you know, you know). I don't know if it's because of the richness of the music or the lyrics that express the kind of breathless optimism that accompanies an almost manic energy and potential. Again, this would be where my music (former) friend would be able to swoop in and effortlessly explain, "it's because of [this chord] and [that progression of notes] followed by [another musical interchange] that causes that feeling of warmth to wash over you and hitch up your sternum." Even MY unschooled brain and ear can hear a shift in pitch from the first time to the second time we hear the lyrics in question. The timbre of notes edges ever-so-slightly upwards, and when the scale (apologies here...I know I'm not using the proper terminology) does so, what sounds like a defeated longing that has absolutely zero teeth becomes almost defiant in its declaration. Ahhhh, music.

For reference, here are the lyrics in totality (I have delineated the note shift via a change in color because, as a visual artist rather than an auditory one, I think in pictures, brushstrokes, and especially colors):

Transport, motorways, and tramlines
Starting and then stopping, taking off and landing
The emptiest of feelings, disappointed people
Clinging onto bottles
When it comes, it's so, so disappointing

Let down and hanging around
Crushed like a bug in the ground
Let down and hanging around

Shell smashed, juices flowing, wings twitch
Legs are going, don't get sentimental
It always ends up drivel
One day, I am gonna grow wings
A chemical reaction
Hysterical and useless, hysterical and

Let down and hanging around
Crushed like a bug in the ground
Let down and hanging around

Let down and hang
Let down and hang
Let down and hang

You know, you know where you are with
You know where you are with
Floor collapses, floating
Bouncing back

And one day, I am gonna grow wings
A chemical reaction (you know where you are)
Hysterical and useless (you know where you are)
Hysterical and (you know where you are)

Let down, and hanging around
Crushed like a bug in the ground
Let down, and hanging around

I have often said that my spirit is buoyed aloft by the power of music, and I cannot think of a time when that was more accurate than right now.