and you must be a masochist to love a modern leper on his last leg...

there it is.
listen carefully.
you may want to put an ear to my chest like you would put your ear to a seashell. shh! shh! listen again...

it is the sound of my heart, dessicated and tinytinytiny. it rattles around my birdcage of ribs when i kick it, which i do often. sometimes it gets treated to a glimpse of the outside world and it flails and squawks with the need to get out. occasionally it DOES escape. A few worthy people have turned around to find it making the most horrific squishing noises as it bounces its way behind them in desperate pursuit. all have been kind enough to return it, though not all have returned it kindly or in good shape. (sidenote: to the person who has it now, please be careful with it, eh? i bare my teensy fangs when i feel threatened.)

sigh.

my most favorite movie (except, of course, for spencer parsons' movie "i'll come running" run, don't walk) is so because it features a realistic ending. the protagonist realizes "the girl" loves him TOO when she comes to stop him from blowing up a building with a grenade. as he is being carted off to jail, he watches her diminish and grow infinitely smaller, until she is no more visible than good judgment was mere minutes ago. as a last romantic gesture, she puts on the eyeglasses he loved her in (ummm...also, undoubtedly because she NEEDS them to see him. ah, l'amour.) but the rub? the rub is, his ass is still being hauled away. he will STILL end up fighting off nightly advances from some guy with four teeth and a homemade tattoo featuring several misspelled words.

now...

this movie affords me two luxuries:
1.) i can maintain my fine perfume of cynicism (we call it "aloof", by calvin klein). i mean, it's ANTI-romantic, right? it's NOT a happy ending. i can use it as a shield, wielding it to block out the radiation of provided by EVERY meg ryan movie ever made. pffft!!

...and yet

2.) i can also glance nervously about to make sure nobody is looking, let the air out of my chest cavity, and then dissolve into the world's longest sssswwwwwooooooooonnnnnnnn; it's a feeling i LOVE, in which gravity goes all wonky and my blood runs backwards. le sigh.

i'm a sucker for good words. they are more delicious than food, softer than the longest nap, and one of the quickest ways to jolt the birdcage and clink-clank my peanut-sized heart awake. so i ask...if you are reading this, what is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for you? if you can think of nothing, what is the most romantic thing you have ever done for SOMEONE ELSE? if you still come up empty, come sit down next to me and complain. i'll fix it. if your story is age-appropriate (for i have lots of babies who read), post it here. you may be able to help someone else swoon and not even realize it. if it is NOT age-appropriate, feel free to e-mail it to me. either way, it's time to clatter some birdcages.

today's word of the day is subtilize.

...guilty as charged.