i'll stow away my grays in a padlocked case and in a padlocked room, only to be released when i see you walking around with someone new...

i have a confession to make. ...i walk in my sleep. sometimes i walk AND talk in my sleep. my somnambulism is epic, evidently. friends, roommates, even boyfriends have seen me shuffle past them into a room looking tired, but awake, then complete everyday tasks. i have made my lunch, attempted to clean dishes, and even put clothes away (i guess i am less lazy when i sleep. ironic?) more often than not, however, i think i am reacting to an internal gypsy, and my legs, driven by my subconscious, are trying to fleefleeflee. unfortunately, my apartment is laid out along a straight line, so often, i'll simply stumble from the bedroom, through the living room, and straight out the door. mercifully, i have never been caught sans pajamas. yikes. i've been thinking about the nature of romance lately...usually in a cynical and porcupine-y way. the most romantic thing that's ever been done for me? that's easy. (ahem) there are two days i absolutely CAN NOT handle--anniversaries of the day my father entered the world and the day he left it. on january 21st, 1999 i went to my boyfriend's apartment. stopping me at the door, he led me through the hallway to the stairs that carried us to the roof and into a velvet sky wearing a diamond tiara...breathtaking, really. in a gene kelly-arm sweep, he whisked me to the middle of the roof (right in the center of san francisco). the music was already playing (tom waits-- "little trip to heaven"), and he danced me from one end of the roof to the other, dizzying me with the blurs of white lights he had strung around the chimneys and gutters. once i caught my breath, i asked him why he had done this. gently moving the hairs around my neck, he whispered, "because i knew that today was going to be hard for you...because i knew you would never TELL ME that it was...and because i know you wanted your father to dance with you to this song on your wedding day." swoon. i think that someone may be able to top this...i believe someone WILL be able to transpose my heart and brain better than this. i hope SOMEONE will be able to do the one simple thing that will make the idea of romance more than just an idea i'm able to see with my peripheral vision only, because if i turn my head to look it in the face, it disappears. to make romance solid, tangible, CONCRETE, one need only quiet the whispering in my limbs and the gypsy in my brain that makes me walk in my sleep.