the hard part is finished.
the reasons i worried about being in the car for four days were prioritized badly, and it turned out i didn't need to worry in the first place. boredom, anxiety, navigational woes, not having enough music to properly distract me from the void left behind by the hugs i wasn't able to collect before i left, and fear of pulling up to a tollbooth and being out of money were quickly supplanted by the quick drag of air i took every time some new sight stole my attention from the last one.
i loaded the very last thing that could fit in my car (okay, technically the last thing i fit into the car was myself) and gave the trunk a resounding slam. i hoped this would convey a world more certainty than i suddenly felt about this decision...is second guessing the self a feminine birthright? though i tried, very romantically, to maneuver my departure so i could choose whose was the last face i would see diminishing in my rearview mirror, the last face, arms, scent i wanted to cram into my skull before departure were already at work...i didn't get to do the leaving.
...it didn't work, of course, and the ceremony of the goodbye fell to my family. the tears finally staunched themselves in indiana when the crying and the need to pee pointed the needle towards 'dehydration'. though i am too tired right now, i'm going to record the things i saw that amused me soon. for now, i take comfort in the inhale and exhale of different coastal air, the sense of time-travel gleaned from setting my watch back three hours, and the misguided, yet ABSOLUTE belief that when i breathe in, i can taste the ocean.
finallyfinallyFINALLY.
...i made it.
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